Don’t Be Embarrassed for Wanting What You Want
I’m the kind of person who wants what she wants. …and for a long time I made myself wrong for that. (Well, along with the help of the judgmental and limiting ideas that society placed on someone who dared to want what they want.)
I felt guilty, ashamed and embarrassed for wanting what I wanted because I had come to view wanting as superficial and shallow. …and I didn’t want to be one of those greedy, surface-levelly kind of people. Nobody admired “those” people. I was a “good” person dammit. I was spiritual dammit. I had depth dammit. …and the wanting-what-I-wanted didn’t seem to fit into that.
But as much as I tried to deny, and as much as I tried to turn myself into the kind of person who was beyond “wanting,” my desires were always right there. They never went away. No matter how much I learned, no matter how much I grew, and no matter how much I “evolved,” I still wanted what I wanted.
I tried to focus on gratitude…and was in fact very grateful. I tried to be in the moment and enjoy what was presently in my experience…and I did. I tried to be happy with what I had and where I was at…and I was. BUT try as I may, I could not stop turning back in the direction of all that I wanted.
I felt like I just wasn’t getting the whole gratitude and happiness piece. That I was somehow flawed because the external desires always crept back in. Sure I wanted peace, and happiness, and joy…and all those intrinsic qualities, but I also couldn’t deny that there were things I wanted that weren’t considered all that altruistic.
I was hard on myself because I didn’t feel fully happy with what I already had. I was frustrated that I wasn’t fully satisfied with where I currently was.
…AND THEN I became annoyed with all the people that kept telling me I was supposed to be happy with what I had and content with how things were. It was frustrating AF to keep receiving these messages and not feel what I thought I was supposed to feel.
I felt like somewhat of a “spiritual” failure.
…and so I finally just succumbed. I hit the point where I DECIDED…I’m going to want what I want. And not only was I going to want what I wanted, I was going to embrace it and accept it as being a large part of the reason I’m here.
I stopped fighting the fight. I stopped battling these inner promptings. I stopped listening to all the outside noise…and I decided I was going to TRUST that if there are desires this strong within me, that there’s a reason I desire them.
No more fighting. No more doubting. …just acceptance. I decided to own who I was, own what I wanted, and own what that all really meant.
And what it means is this – You are meant to desire. You are a creator and a creator’s gotta create. And it’s your desires that form the launching pad into heightened, amplified, and soul-fullfilling creations.
What you want is actually your soul wanting through you.
Your desires expand you…and they expand your soul. They are vehicles of growth, expansion and experience.
You were never meant to dim your desires. It’s your desires that force you to fully step into and become all that you are meant to be. And your desires are a powerful catalyst in leading you to remembering the truth of who you are…if you let them.
You are a divine being with a divine inheritance that is meant to live at the level of the divine standard.
It’s time to remember that…and it’s time to give yourself permission and to free yourself to want what you want. …After all, it’s what your soul wants for you. xo