I Have A Good Life…Why Am I Not Happy?
…so how did I grow up to not be happy?
I was raised on a farm in a small town with the small community feel. I loved growing up there. Even though I grew up to be more of a city girl, I loved being raised there and wouldn’t change a thing. I was raised with two parents who are still together, and with siblings that when we come together the result is always connection and laughter.
I always had good friends and was never bullied. My parents were supportive and ensured we always had what we needed and wanted. And I’d say even went beyond what most parents do for their children. We weren’t spoiled, but we certainly were well loved.
Obviously not everything in my life was flawless. I encountered some, what I refer to as, growing pains, but overall on all accounts I had a good life. Every which way I looked there was nothing to point to what would lead to unhappy.
So in my 30’s how did I end up sitting in a group of about 100 people who were all searching for happiness? This was my first foray into self-development. It was a 5 day course.
As the 5 days evolved and more and more people started to share their stories, it became uncomfortably obvious that I didn’t fit. Everyone had a story of incredible hardship and immense trauma. The wounds were deep and they were understandably seeking relief from their emotional and mental damage. …It really started to not make sense as to why I was there.
I shied away from asking questions, participating, and most certainly sharing my story. Their stories seemed much more valid than mine. And even more than that I was actually embarrassed to share my story. Mine appeared superficial and trivial in comparison. I ended up taking a back seat so that they could get the help that they so obviously needed and rightly deserved.
Because we were often put into pairs I was introduced to story after story of heart ache. It was quite heavy and overwhelming, and I had immense compassion. But my growing compassion for them started to dim any compassion I had for myself. At that time in my journey I wasn’t equipped well enough to know that my life experience mattered too. I left the 5 days feeling absolutely grateful for the life that I had, but at the same time confused as to why I would be experiencing the same degree of unhappiness.
Thankfully at one point, in one of my pairings I came across a guy who was also experiencing the same feelings I was. He too felt he didn’t belong. He also had a good life and held back from being in the spotlight of any questioning. We, of course, stuck together after that. As awkward as we felt in this situation, it also planted a seed of knowing that there were probably many more like us that even though on the surface seemed to have lived good lives, within us a desire for much more was brewing.
What I came to realize was that, no matter the background we come from, no matter what our past experiences are, we all are fighting the same battle – to remember that we are the creators of our lives.
We have forgotten and have become separate from that inner knowing and that innate power that is ours, and we are all put in the position of needing to overcome our past conditioning in order to remember and reconnect. Until we do, we continue to suffer, struggle and flounder about trying to live in a world that we feel victim to.
Whatever our story, it doesn’t matter. At the core of who each and every one of us is, is the truth of our divine nature. The truth of our power. The truth of our creator capacity. …and as we begin to own that, stand firm in it, and live from that knowing, the struggles, pain, yearnings, and searching dissolve, because we become the sovereign creator we came here to be.
We were never victim. We were never at the mercy of outside circumstances. We just simply had to take our power back.
This is for all of you who also live “good” lives, but are searching for your more. …there IS something more. You just need to tap into your own inner power to find it.
*excerpt from my book by the same title
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