Life Can Get a Little Messy Sometimes

messy loveI usually wait to share until after I’m through the fog.  It always felt safer that way.  I’d have time to gather my thoughts and feelings.  Then when I’d have some clarity, I’d be able to deliver the “pearls of wisdom” I picked up in an “articulate and insightful” way (well, that’s my take on it!).  …And there’s nothing wrong with that.

 

BUT what I’ve come to realize more and more….and am trying to fully embrace…is that there are some “messy” parts along the way; that our emotions can blindside us; that we aren’t able to keep it all together, to look good in every moment, to say all the right things and do all the right things.  Nope. The road can get a little sloppy, and we are going to get a little messy. …And that’s okay.

 

That’s really what it’s all about…embracing it all; loving up all ‘em little bits.  Accepting ourselves, loving our journey, and snuggling up into life.

 

In the past I spent a lot of time and way too much energy making myself wrong.  It ain’t fun.  …And yet, I still caught myself doing it the other morning.

 

I woke up with a heavy heart and…once the kids were off to school…tears flowing. I’ve had a few moments like this over the last several weeks.  I’m not always sure how it starts or where it comes from…and it really doesn’t matter.  But when I got quiet with myself, I zeroed in on what was nudging me…and it was another bit where I had been making myself wrong…and my soul wasn’t standin’ for it!  It was making itself heard…loudly…so that I couldn’t ignore it.

 

All I could do was love that part of me up.  Sound hokey?  Yeah, maybe.  But after having tried every tool, strategy and technique known in the personal development and spiritual circles, I can safely and confidently tell you…those are just band-aids.

 

At times I can be an open book.  I’m not afraid to let my “less than stellar” moments be known.  But at other times there were parts that felt too scary to expose.  It’s nerve-racking to be totally vulnerable.  But I want to be.  I think it’s needed.

 

It was in these vulnerable and unknowing moments that I often cocooned; kept to myself.  Not in a self-pity way (although I had some of those moments too), but in a “needing to nurture my soul” kinda way; to connect and tune in.  I couldn’t have the chatter of the outside world and get the clarity and guidance I needed.

 

But at the same time, I felt a need for deeper connection; for more real connection…to myself, to others, to the divine.

 

I think we’re all going through an emerging process, and it’s not always going to feel comfortable; it’s not always gonna be neat and tidy.  Certainly hasn’t for me.  But at the same time, I know there’s an undoing that needs to do be done; a rewiring of the old, and a replacing with the new.  There is a necessary purpose to it all…and that’s what I hold onto during those messy moments.

 

So, instead of sharing ways to fix, change and improve what you may be struggling with or feeling; instead of posturing as an “expert” as I go through my own stuff; instead of telling you WHY you’re going through it and HOW to make it better…I’m here to tell you…I get it.  I totally get it. …and I got you.

 

Nothing is more soothing than knowing you’re not alone.  And you’re most definitely NOT.

 

LOVE.

 

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