Our Kids Caught Us Having Sex…Nope, not kidding.
Those who know me well, know I’m certainly no prude when it comes to talking sex. So I thought it’s only fitting that I generously and openly share with you too! We’re all adults here. …And there really is a point to me sharing this personal information. I’m not trying to simply make you uncomfortable for the fun of it…although I do kinda find that fun.
So, yep, as the title indicates, our kids did truly catch my husband and I having sex. I didn’t use that title to be catchy…it’s a fact.
Here’s how it unfolded…
Without getting into the nitty gritty details (feel free to use your imagination), my husband and I thought it would be a good idea to try to fit in a rendezvous (that makes it sound classier than it was) just before the kids went to bed. …which meant the kids weren’t in bed yet. First mistake.
My daughter had been feeling a little under the weather that day; however I assumed it had passed. Second mistake.
Before you ask, yes, we were smart enough to lock the door…but that does not deter a determined child. Next thing we know our bedroom door was swung open and our 11 year old son and 8 year old daughter were standing there staring at us.
I took in the scene of the two kids standing in our doorway, and then my head snapped back to see the shocked expression on my husband’s face…and I burst out laughing!
As I burst into laughter, my son declared, “You were having sex!” and fell to the ground doubled over in laughter. My daughter remained in silenced shock.
What had happened was my daughter still wasn’t feeling well and apparently had been calling us from her room. When we didn’t answer, my son took it upon himself to get our attention for her…and he picked our lock.
I applaud his sincere effort to help out his sister, BUT also gave him the heads up that a locked door is locked for a reason!
Here’s why I’m sharing this…
There was no way to rewind, pretend we were just “cuddling, ” or avoid what they saw…and nor did I want to. What could have been potentially embarrassing and awkward turned out to be light-hearted and led into a really amazing conversation with my son.
We often assume our kids are learning what they need to know from other sources and we don’t want to be the ones to have those uncomfortable conversations with them. But the fact is they want to know. If the true information doesn’t come from us they will seek out the “enlightenment” from others…and you never can be sure of the quality of that education.
I have always been very open with my kids about…well…everything. Whatever questions they had, I answered. This particular scenario wasn’t what I had pictured regarding how our conversations would go deeper when it came to sex and relationships, BUT hey!…it is what it is, may as well roll with it.
Not surprisingly, this little episode led to MANY questions from my son. With a chuckle my daughter had said, “I don’t think I want to know yet.” …and I respected that. But I also let her know if she does end up having any questions that she can come to me at any time.
My son asked question, after question, after question… and I answered all of them truthfully and accurately without feeling the need to “kid” proof it for his sensitive ears. His questions were asked with sincere curiosity and genuine interest, and they ranged from the actual physical aspects, to how sex ties into relationships.
With my honest and straight-forward answers, I also let him know that this conversation was private and not meant to be shared with his friends. …I didn’t want to be getting calls from the neighbourhood, hearing that my son was educating their children!
At the same time, I also wanted him to know that no matter what kind of question he asked, I would gladly answer. …No saying he is too young. No digging for why he needs to know. No teasing. No meddling. No trying to pass it onto my husband or a book. No giving half-truths.
In a nutshell I want my kids to know that whenever they have questions, that I am the person they can come to; I am the person they can trust; I am the person who loves them unconditionally regardless of what they need to share and/or ask. Bottom line, I want to be their “go to” gal, where they feel safe and comfortable, so that they don’t feel the need to go to outside sources which runs the risk of being unreliable.
I’ve always had an open door policy with my kids….the door just got blown WIDE open on this one! But I do highly encourage all parents to establish an open, safe, and unconditional space for your children to come to, so that you become their source of information…not peers and media.
If you have any stories and/or examples of how communication creates connection, please share them below. And if they’re embarrassing…all the better!!!