Tea Time with Trish: It’s What I Wanted, But….
One of the main things I want in life is for my children to grow into and retain their sense of self. It’s what I’m very aware of in how I handle situations with my children, and it allows me to adjust my reactions when needed.
Soooo, when my husband and I started seeing our son really coming out of his shell we were thrilled….and oddly enough just a little apprehensive!
I want my children to be able to speak their mind, and voice their opinions…of course, in a respectful manner. I want them to have a sense of humour, and not take life so seriously. I don’t want them to feel they have to go down the beaten path, or jump on the band wagon of the latest fads. I want them to be authentic and unique.
So when my son, who is 9, began to display his “uniqueness, ” my husband and I couldn’t help but laugh. But ironically at the same time, we also voiced concerns such as, “I hope he doesn’t annoy anyone, ” “I hope he’s being well-behaved, ” “He better still be respectful, ” etc.
Now, to be clear, it’s not like he was doing anything totally out-there and unheard of, however it would have been an unheard of behaviour for me to display as a child, since I was very uncomfortable in my own skin from a young age. I revered adults; believed they knew best, and would never question them on anything. When it came to my peers, I tended to be more of a follower than a leader (although that certainly did begin to change as time continued…)
To give you an idea of the behaviour I am speaking of, here are a few examples – breaking into dance in the middle of my friends foyer, cracking jokes with his friends parents (often sarcastic…hmm? now where would he have got that from?), being full of laughter and spirit in the hockey dressing room, no holding back on his honest opinion with adults…
In addition, I would hear comments from my own friends saying how hilarious Jaden was. This made me chuckle, but also think, “Oh god, what is he doing? I hope it’s appropriate.”
The things he was doing and saying (and continues to do and say…) were not obnoxious or out of the ordinary, however in the past this was not his typical behaviour, since he was always a very calm and fairly quite boy. Well, the quiet is gone! And in place I see a confidence I never saw in him before. He is totally at ease with young and old alike. There is no fear of authority, or concern that he is not an equal.
The fact that he is obviously comfortable in his own skin made me so happy, BUT it also shone the light on the fact that I still had some embedded beliefs of what “proper behaviour” was. Although I have healed many aspects of my people-pleasing side, there was clearly some of that trait clinging on, because my need to be seen as a “good” parent was exposed. I had a vague concern that his behaviour may reflect poorly on me as a parent if he wasn’t adhering to societal standards…even though walking to the beat of their own drum was something I have worked so hard to instill and nurture in my children. How ironic is that?!
Thankfully, because I am self-aware (this is why awareness is so important to me), I was able to quickly catch myself, and catch the reason for why I initially felt a desire to subdue his behaviour. I quickly reframed my initial reaction, and adjusted my reaction, and was then able to watch him with admiration and appreciation.
My son is not the only one that I see these traits emerging in. Young children are so much more fearless than they ever have been…and our world needs this! Let’s continue to teach our children to grow into leaders (in many different forms), and be who they are, so that we can create the changes in our world that we so badly need.
Trisha Savoia is founder/owner of Absolute Awareness, and creator of the Best Mom You Can Be Program. Through her programs, writing, and speaking she uses her skills and experience as a mother, teacher, & Clinical Hypnotherapist to mentor moms who want to become the best mom they can be by beginning to focus on themselves first.
She teaches moms how to slow down, understand their true values & priorities, implement self-care & self-awareness, thereby opening up to their intuition to create their own fulfilment, meaning, purpose, and happiness. …which of course, all gets passed down to the children who can then retain their intuitive sense, and grow from a place of knowing the truth of who they are.