Tea Time with Trish: Let’s Talk About the Word Busy
Because I work with women and moms, many of whom live busy lives, I hear the word “busy” used a lot. However, what I’m starting to see is that that word is bringing with it an attachment to guilt. Yep, just on more thing to feel guilty about! So, I wanted to use this blog as a way to dispel some of the guilt that we as mothers continue to put on ourselves.
As mothers, I believe it is important to become self-aware – aware of who we are, and how we spend our time. With this increased awareness comes the knowing of what our priorities truly are, and we of course then try to manage our time based on these priorities. The one down side of awareness (really, I think all awareness is an upside if you choose to see it that way) is that the things that aren’t working become glaringly obvious. And if you are the type of person who tends to be hard on yourself, you can be all that much harder when you know what you what to change, yet still slip back into old habits from time to time.
How do I know this? Well, I’m speaking as a person who can be hard on myself. This is one aspect of myself that I need to continue to be very conscious of, because I do have a tendency to be hard on myself when I feel I “should” know better. Of course, I have gotten so much better at being able to reframe those thoughts when they come….but they can still come!
In my quest to slow down, live more in the moment, and enjoy the journey I’m on, I became very aware of how busy my life was and I made a conscious choice to pull in the reigns…and I did. Once I truly knew what my priorities and values where, I began to practice honouring my time by creating boundaries, and saying no when needed. In doing this, I really did see the pace of my life slow down.
HOWEVER, do not get me wrong, there were (and are) still times when my life gets busy. The difference now though is that the busyness is doing things I love, not the things I felt obligated to do….regardless, busy nonetheless.
Of course with that came another awareness of the fact that I do need to pace myself even with the things I love, because it still can cause overwhelm. BUT what I found during these times when I was busy was that I didn’t want to use the word “busy.” Why? Because I had begun to develop a negative connotation around the word, and I felt by telling other people that I was busy was really saying that I didn’t know how to properly manage my time, even though I was very conscious of how I was managing my time. So, in order to ease my “ego mind” I began to use the word “full” or “booked” instead.
I do still use the words full or booked, because there are times I am not busy, but due to the commitment I have made to myself, there are days where I will not make any outside plans. I’m not busy; simply booked.
In the times that I do get busy, I am able to cope quite well because of the self-care practices I have put into place for myself. Ironically, what I began to notice during these busy times was not that I couldn’t handle them, but that I had guilt around the fact that I was busy, because after all, my intention is to slow down, as well as teach others how to slow down. Because of that, I hesitated to use the word busy…it brought up a sense of shame; a sense that I was doing something wrong.
Because there are a lot of us trying to slow down and live better balanced lives, I have noticed that I am not the only person resistance to using the word busy. We have now equated it with meaning we can’t keep up. We release guilt in one area of our lives, only to create it in another.
So, here is my two-cents: We give labels to the words we use in order to communicate what we are wanting to say, and not every word accurately describes our intention behind the word…especially since everyone will have their own perspective on what the word means to them. I have found the same with the word balance. My definition of balance is different from how others perceive it, yet for the sake of communicating the general idea of what I mean, I do still use the word.
Same goes with the word busy. My busy is not always the same as how others use the word. We live in a fast-paced world. Fact is we will get busy from time to time. For some busy does mean overwhelm, however for myself, I know there is a difference from when I am busy to when I am overwhelmed.
I no longer feel that I need to justify using the word, since it was my “ego mind” that had a problem with the word, not my higher understanding. My higher self knows when I am simply in the flow of guided action. And when I listen to the cue that it’s time to back off the action mode, my state of busyness does not hit a state of overwhelm (and if I don’t listen….well, then it does).
The reason I felt drawn to writing this post is because we are already hard on ourselves in many areas, and to take on the guilt of admitting busyness is not helping in the quest to stop being hard on ourselves, and to relax into life. To be clear, I am not condoning living an overly busy life. And I am well aware that many people are in a state of unhealthy busyness. I did not write this to give permission to those who are in unhealthy states of busyness…you know who you are!
What I want you to become conscious of when using the word is how the busyness is affecting you….and be completely honest. How you feel is so much more important than the label of a word.
Trisha Savoia is founder/owner of Absolute Awareness, and creator of the Best Mom You Can Be Program. Through her programs, writing, and speaking she uses her skills and experience as a mother, teacher, & Clinical Hypnotherapist to mentor moms who want to become the best mom they can be by beginning to focus on themselves first.
She teaches moms how to slow down, understand their true values & priorities, implement self-care & self-awareness, thereby opening up to their intuition to create their own fulfilment, meaning, purpose, and happiness. …which of course, all gets passed down to the children who can then retain their intuitive sense, and grow from a place of knowing the truth of who they are.