Tea Time with Trish: Part 2 – Really? I Thought I Was Listening!
UNEXPECTED GIFTS FROM A GETAWAY
Here is part 2 of the 6 part “Unexpected Gifts From a Getaway” blog series. Click here if you’d like to start at the beginning.
As I mentioned last week, I had eagerly been anticipating my 3 day getaway to Banff, only to get there and on the second day come to realize that it wasn’t going quite how I expected. This little getaway ended up bringing about amazing lessons that I clearly needed to learn, and that I am going to continue sharing with you here.
The first thing that time to myself in Banff helped me realize is that I had denied myself the permission to feel what I was feeling, because I was too focused on where I was going. I’m all for putting your energy in the direction you want to be heading, but definitely not at the expense of losing touch with what your emotions are telling you.
Obviously this was the reason why I so strongly felt that I had to get away where I could be with myself without obligations, schedules, commitments, or interruptions. I needed to provide myself with the space to recognize what I was doing…which was not listening all that well.
Even with my daily practice of meditating, journaling, and reading, some pent up emotion was left untapped, and all I needed was a little more focused time on myself and my needs in order for it to surface. By 2:00pm of the afternoon of my second day I was back to feeling happy and appreciating the rest of my stay. AND I no longer had the tension and shortness of breath I had the previous day!
BUT…the learning was not done!
After spending a bit of time just doing whatever I felt like doing, the idea of “I have all this precious time; wouldn’t it be great if I could use some of it to “get ahead of the game” with my writing.”
As soon as that thought entered, I no longer was enjoying the moment…I was now back to looking ahead, and seeing how much I could accomplish. The idea of allowing myself permission to do whatever I felt like doing were now fleeting moments.
All of a sudden I was once again filled with tension, impatience, frustration, and unease. I knew I didn’t feel like using my time that way; my gut was telling me to just relax and enjoy, BUT my head was telling me what a great opportunity to “get stuff done” – no interruptions, no commitments, no obligations. My higher self and ego mind were battling it out!
What hit me like a ton of bricks was that although I was calling this time in Banffa getaway for me-time, what I really was hoping to do was also sneak in some productivity time (stay tuned for an upcoming blog in this series regarding the price of productivity). It was a ruse for being able to spend some time writing, which I am so passionate about, without having to justify saying “no” to so many other personal and business responsibilities and opportunities.
However, even with that, I could feel the pressure I was putting on myself to “produce” great writing material, and that in itself was weighing heavily on me. I love writing, and I committed to myself that I would only put out material that I felt was valuable, however I had a desire to get “ahead of the game” with writing so that I didn’t feel pressure each week about putting out a blog.
My underlying thinking was if I could get away for awhile, I could really kill two birds with one stone. I could have some time to myself, and also find some time to write without having to answer the phone, reply to emails, meet self-imposed deadlines, clean the house, do the laundry, make meals, and on and on it goes.
However once I got to Banff, my heart was calling me to just let it all go…forget about killing two birds with one stone, and just follow the direction that my heart was leading. If I felt like sitting and gazing at the mountains, then do that; if I felt like going for a walk; then do that; if I felt like writing; then do that; if I felt like reading; then do that…just let it all go, knowing that there is no right or wrong answer, and that if I listen to what I need it will all get done in perfect timing.
What I realize now is, I wouldn’t have felt the urgency to shut myself off from the world if I was pacing myself at a rate which my “higher self” was urging me to. Drive and perseverance kept me from fully listening. Now don’t get me wrong, I was listening to the guided action I was receiving, BUT due to my laser focus on where I was heading, I wasn’t listening quite as well to the signs when they started telling me it was now time to slow down and allow the seeds I had been planting take root.
Even the thought of going back home brought feelings of stress and unease because I was going back to a pace that I set which was starting to make me unbalanced (stay tuned to an upcoming blog in this series regarding my belief about the true nature of balance; I have a whole new perspective on that).
I had become really great at creating balance in my personal life through creating boundaries, being able to say NO, finding time for myself, letting go of “shoulds” and obligations, etc. And although that in itself had its own learning curve, I found it relatively easy (easy to say it was easy now…I don’t think I thought that at the time!) to do because so many of the things that I was now saying no to and creating boundaries around I didn’t want in my life.
It’s a lot easier to say no to things that you don’t want anyway, BUT what I was finding was that it takes a whole new level of commitment to yourself to say No to things that you do want, but know aren’t right for you right now.
Being in a business that I am so passionate and driven about, has created a whole new level of learning and trust. I truly only do the things that I feel passionate and drawn to, HOWEVER, I am finding so many things that I am passionate and drawn to that I once again was finding myself in a state of unbalance, but at a whole new level.
This new level, has now forced me to tune into my emotions and intuition to a greater degree than I ever have before, and what it has made me realize is that I need to fine tune my emotional guidance because although there are so many things I want to do, my body physically cannot keep up with the pace I had been setting…and if I keep up at this pace, I will take away the joy from the things that I now enjoy doing.
Therein lies lesson #3 – if we try to keep up with an unsustainable pace, we eventually take the joy out of it, and find ourselves needing to escape.
Stay tuned next week for lesson 3 in the series “Unexpected Gifts From a Getaway.”
To learn more about my work visit http://www.AbsoluteAwareness.ca
Trisha Savoia is founder/owner of Absolute Awareness, and creator of the Moms Who Want More Program. Through her programs, writing, and speaking she uses her skills and experience as a mother, teacher, & Clinical Hypnotherapist to mentor moms who want more out of their lives – mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually.