We Can Only Change Ourselves
When others don’t do or say what we want them to do or say, our natural tendency is to try to change them. We figure this is the solution. If they just did what we wanted, we’d be so much happier. Things would be so much easier.
Sorry to have to be the one to tell you, but this just isn’t the way it works.
Taking a simple example, I can tell you from experience that trying to change someone else’s behavior only causes more grief. Driving with my husband used to mean an inevitable argument about his “road rage.” It absolutely drove me nuts how worked up he’d get with the other drivers, and how frustrated he’d be if traffic was slow.
Because this isn’t something that I could understand, since I did not react the same way, it frustrated me that he allowed it to get him into such a negative state. My frustration always led to me making some sort of comment, which always meant an escalation of the situation.
I was trying to get him to change, but giving it the same energy he was giving it…frustration. All this accomplished was a whole lot more frustration.
Finally, I clued in and realized I was never going to change the situation with the approach I was taking. It didn’t change anything, and all it did was make me feel even worse. So, I finally I came to the realization that the only thing I had control over was my own reaction. From that moment on I made the choice to no longer comment on his behavior. Initially it really meant me biting my tongue, but eventually it got easier on my part.
I decided to no longer buy into his frustration and feel that my mood was dependent on how he was reacting. And for those of you who understand how energy works, you will not be surprised to hear that by me not feeding the energy of frustration, my husband’s reactions to traffic also began to soften (okay with still an occasional flare up!).
So, the solution is never the need for them to change, but rather the need for you to adjust and understand your reactions and expectations. Why does someone else need to change to make you happy? What can you do about it instead?!
Trisha Savoia is founder/owner of Absolute Awareness, and creator of the The Integrity Code, and The Soulful Parent Programs. Through her programs, writing, and speaking she uses her skills, experience, and intuition as a mother, teacher, Clinical Hypnotherapist, and Entrepreneur to help guide moms to recover their true selves and their intuition, while at the same time learn how to parent so their children can do the same.